Product Problem?
Once in a while your company may have a product problem and something won't work the way that it should.
Try using this funny free business email to set the tone if (as occasionally happens) the product won't work properly or has been damaged in delivery. When that happens, the client may be upset and a little humor may help until you can rectify the problem. Always be cautious about sending humorous business email however. It always has to have a serious message embedded in it so that your customers know you are attending to their concerns. This email does that.
Dear We are sorry to hear that you have been experiencing problems with your new [ ]underwear [ ]psychiatrist [ ]_________________ [ ]bonsai tree [ ]neighbor’s cat [ ]mayor. While we do ask that our customers contact [ ]their mother-in-law [ ]their dealer [ ]their inner self [ ]the ghost of Christmas Past [ ]their cat [ ]60 Minutes in the event of a problem, we recognize that in your case it may be impossible. Therefore if you will carefully [ ]hammer it along one side, [ ]immerse it in vodka, [ ]have it blessed by a shaman, [ ]loosen the elastic in your underwear, [ ]package the unit in its original carton and send it to us, [ ]take two aspirin and go to bed, we feel the problem will be corrected. If the unit turns out to be defective after all, [ ]we will send you an immediate replacement. [ ]complain to Dear Abbey. [ ]that’s life. [ ]tough luck! [ ]sacrifice a virgin. [ ]blame it on the Bossa Nova. Again, we are sorry that you experienced this difficulty and wish to thank you for [ ]not telling dad. [ ]just being you. [ ]your patience and for purchasing ________________________[ ]leaving the police out of this. [ ]being a good egg and not cracking. [ ]not smoking. Sincerely, How To Get This Product Problem Email Into Your Email Program(These directions are for Outlook Express users but will generally be the same for all email programs.)Open your email program and click on the “Create Mail” button. Return to this Product Problem page and highlight the verse above. Right-click on the highlighted text and click “copy”. Return to your email program and in the box below the subject line; click once to get the cursor in the box and then right-click on the mouse and click “paste” and the text (from above) will be transferred into the body of your email. Put a CAPITAL “X” in the brackets beside the words or phrases you want to use in your message. Add your name at the end. If you are sending this email to an individual, then you will also want to type his/her name at the top. You may then want to enter a word or two in the “Subject” line. (What’s the email about?) Finally, you must enter the person’s email address and click send. (Hopefully, you can just select their email address from your address book.)
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